Taking the kids out to lunch/dinner by myself is something I'm really starting to regret. It's the usual chaos of a meal coupled with the fact we're in public without the TV to distract the shenanigans. Of course, I keep torturing myself because it sounds like a good idea and something the boys would enjoy. Until today. After today's lunch, I'm seriously considering never going out with them again.
Today I decided we should go to Burger King for lunch. Not my first choice, but Connor typically eats all the crown shaped nuggets thingies and Aidan will usually power down a hamburger, ketchup only. So, that's exactly what we ordered, with 2 chocolate milks.
Within minutes, the boys are playing more than they are eating. Connor's chocolate milk gets spilled...all over his fried and nuggets. I manage to scoop up / save one nugget. I request Aidan run to the front of the place for more napkins:
Me: Aidan PLEASE go get me some more napkins to clean this up
A: Why?
Me: Cause I need MORE NAPKINS TO CLEAN THIS UP
A: But I'm shy
Me: What's there to be shy about? You don't have to talk to anyone. Go up there by the drinks and grab some napkins and come back.
A: Why can't you do it? I don't want to.
Just. Freakin. Great.
So, I get the napkins and clean up Connor's mess. Within minutes I relocate him to my side of the table because he can't seem to sit down or stop jumping on the seat. I try and lay down the law to eat lunches and stop playing. That lasts about 2 minutes.
Both boys bust into a laughing fit (which, yes, in itself is a cute thing) when Connor starts coughing. Wait, maybe he's choking. Yes, definitely choking as I put one hand under his mouth to catch the choking hazard and start patting his back. It's at that time he vomits IN MY HAND. EWWWWWWWWW
Me: Aidan, this time I REALLY need you to go get me more napkins
A: Why? I don't want to...
Me: I HAVE VOMIT IN MY HAND!!! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
A: silent and on the verge of tears
Totally on the verge of slapping both children with signs akin to Paddington Bear - "Please take care of us - our names are Connor and Aidan" - I decide we must go home now. All is cleaned up and we're pulling out of the BK driveway when I hear a THUD. OMG. To top it off I have forgotten my iced tea on the roof of the van. Yes, I am officially one of those morons that drive off with their drink on the roof.
I'm sensing some comfort food (key word: Starbucks) or alcohol in my future for the day.
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3 comments:
I'm laughing so hard at your pain I can barely type.
And THIS is why I NEVER eat out alone with my children. Actually, I just try to avoid eating out with my children competely.
I SO know what the vomit situation feels like. Not fun. I hope you had a drink when you got home.
I laughed so hard I was in tears. I'm so sorry this all had to happen, but it is nice to know you too can laugh in the face of absurd adversity with kids. Ain't it grand? All too soon, all that will be left will be these memories. So, as bad as they seem, hang on to each of them. You have the perogrative of telling these to the boys room mates in college to embarrass them! Still, this day was classic. I can't believe Connor peeing on the couch. WHAT? Did he take off his diaper? Geez.
haha...you didn't tell me about the iced tea! I have put leftovers on top of the car and forgotten about them. Steve had to slam on the breaks at the TTC parking lot and "wheeee!" goes flying the white styrofoam box off the top of the car and into the intersection. Apparently the other drivers thought it was funny..they were laughing and actually stopped to let me run out and get the food, which landed perfectly :) Lori
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